I Awaken

00:00:08 Speaker 1: there are moments in life where everything feels unclear. Old identities loosen Familiar rules fall away, and what once made sense no longer fits. It can feel disorienting, even frightening. But what if that feeling isn't failure or confusion at all? What if it's the beginning of something truer?

00:00:31 Speaker 1: Welcome to I awaken. This is a space for conscious conversations about transformation, inner truth, and the quiet moments that change everything. Today I am joined by Irina Shevtsov, founder of Reclaim Your Life, transformational coach and author of The Gift Inside. Irina supports women, especially those in midlife, who feel lost after long term relationships, to reconnect with who they truly are and create happiness from within. In this episode, we are exploring a powerful reframe when you feel lost, you may actually be awakening. So welcome, Irina, it's a pleasure to have you here today.

00:01:14 Speaker 3: Thank you so much. A pleasure to be here.

00:01:18 Speaker 1: Amazing. So, Irina, I'm curious when when someone first comes to you feeling lost, unsure of who they are anymore, what do you often sense is happening beneath the surface?

00:01:35 Speaker 3: Oh, usually it happens. It doesn't happen overnight. It's usually because of a lifetime of not serving, pleasing others and not remembering who you are. Often times as women, we make sure everybody is happy. So we serve our husbands, our children, and little by little, if we don't dedicate time to ourselves, we lose ourselves, our identity. So when the relationship is over, we don't know who they are, who we are anymore after being someone else's mom and someone else's spouse. Who are we on the inside? We no longer have that, because little by little, we were losing ourselves in the course of our lives.

00:02:25 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's that's so true. Uh, because that happens especially to women. Because we are always, you know, we always put ourselves in different, different roles. Like you just said. Sometimes mother, sometimes daughter, someone's wife. So, you know, because of that, we do tend to lose our own identity over time because we don't remember who we used to be before we, you know, jumped into these roles. And you know that that distinction between surface confusion and deeper movement is so important because it already shifts how we relate to the experience, because I think a lot of women do relate to this. So, um, you know, there's also, you know, a common belief that feeling lost means we have done something wrong or taken a wrong turn. or have, you know, regrets in life. But what do you feel people misunderstand most about this phase of life or about feeling lost?

00:03:27 Speaker 3: It's not about that. It's just, uh, arriving at a realization that whatever happened, happened. But what do we choose next? It is still up to us. It's not to dismiss the fact that what happened in the past was wrong, or that break up, uh, didn't matter. It's coming to the realization, to the acceptance and awareness of where you are today. And it's not about blaming yourself for what happened. It just about being an acknowledging with what has taken place, but also still having the pen to write what comes next. Because when we stay stuck in the past, when we're reliving moments of the past, we are missing out on being present. And there is no past. There is no future. Everything is happening right here, right now. We cannot change our past. What has taken place. But we can definitely change our future by being present in the now and looking at our past experiences. Not that something was wrong or bad, but what can we learn from that experience? That we can take the lessons and then make better decision next time in our future. And it all starts by being present. Being present is so important because our life is so fast paced. We are moving so fast today in general. Attention span on the phone, you have three seconds to catch someone's attention. And when we don't slow down, when we don't pause, we miss missed that amazing opportunity of being present, and it could be as simple as having a meal when you're eating food and really being there and tasting those morsels, or when you see a smile on a child's face really being there, or seeing a sunrise and being present and absorbing with all your senses instead of like me talking with you here, but me at the same time thinking about gazillion things that are happening. Uh, being present, I believe, is so, so important. It says from presence that we can create a better future for ourselves.

00:05:43 Speaker 1: That's. That is such a beautiful, reframing. And I definitely agree with, you know, everything that you said. I think that, uh, a lot of people, um, they don't sit, you know, with their, with their present, uh, they don't sit with what is happening, uh, to them and they avoid it, uh, and, uh, later it all comes, you know, resurfacing back, uh, in the future. So I think, uh, like you said, it's very important to, you know, just accept whatever is going on in the present and to just let it be, uh, because to sit with it, you know, it will really help them accept it as things are and move forward in life. So you're you're definitely true when you say that a lot of us, uh, you know, we often think about what happened in the past or what is going to happen in the future that we tend to lose what's happening in the present. And I think it's really important to, uh, be present right now. Uh, right here. So that's that's definitely true. And it's it's powerful to hear that, you know, being lost. It's not a mistake. It's a message that, uh, alone can soften so much of self-judgment. So thank you for sharing that, Irina. And let's let's stay with that for a moment. Uh, in your work with women over forty, what deeper patterns tend to surface when their old identity starts dissolving?

00:07:19 Speaker 3: Deeper patterns are that I am not good enough, that I'm somehow broken. What I did was not right. A self-blame, and it goes back to, uh, how we were brought up from ages zero to seven. When we are absorbing everything, there is no critical faculty to separate what is good or bad. We just take everything in and then we leave out the rest of our life. Those imprints that we have absorbed from others, and maybe those imprints were serving when we were little. But as we are adults, they are no no longer serve us. And we, let's say I call it our the way we operate, we have five percent that is conscious and ninety five percent that is subconscious. And subconscious is the one that rules our life. So in conscious world, you could be doing everything right. You know, whatever needs to happen to accomplish your goal or to the destination where you are going. But subconsciously you could be self-sabotaging yourself, because the primary directive of our subconscious mind is to keep us safe. And safety means being stuck with where you are, because anything that is not like, let's say something is new for our subconscious mind that is considered unsafe, it it is considered dangerous. So our job is to make our subconscious up, to loosen that grip, to step out of our comfort zone and to make what was unsafe. And I'm not saying unsafe, you know, jumping in front of the car. Not not that kind. I'm talking about, um, when we self-sabotage ourselves, when we, let's say, create a plan and we want to achieve something different. And when we are trying to change in any in any way, shape or form, sometimes we are sabotaged by our own selves, by subconscious mind, because there are those imprints, those beliefs designed to keep us safe. And sometimes that safety. Let's say you are in a toxic relationship and you are afraid to leave that relationship because you already familiar with everything that's happening inside of it. What if by leaving, you're going to experience something worse, something like what's the worst that could happen? So you stay stuck. You stay within the familiar frame instead of exploring what is possible. So our job is to make micro changes, to make small shifts so that our subconscious mind can get on board, because our subconscious mind is designed again to keep us safe. So we need to make small shifts to expand our safety zone in a sense.

00:10:18 Speaker 1: Yeah, that that makes, you know, so much sense. And I can see why that, um, happens to mostly, uh, women, you know, that that self doubt, self judgment, all of that arises because, you know, many women have spent years living from expectation rather than their inner truth. And when that cracks, uh, the true awakening begins. And I am so glad that, you know, you are helping people achieve that. And I think what you what you're doing, it's it's truly amazing. So. Yeah. So, um, how does this awakening actually, you know, show up in our day to day lives? Not in not in spiritual language, but in the real life moments?

00:11:06 Speaker 3: Well, I believe awakening happens when the expectation that you have in your head of what kind of life you thought you're going to have, and the reality does not match that kind of forces you to start asking questions. What is this life all about? And awakening could be different for different people. I think awakening to who you truly are instead of, again, like you mentioned, we are oftentimes fulfilling other people's expectations of what our life is supposed to be. Maybe our parents expectations that we needed to have a particular career or particular family or particular situation and not not really like we arrive at this point in life and sometimes we don't know what we want, because so many years were spent fulfilling other people's expectations of what your life is supposed to be. So awakening to yourself is asking yourself a question what kind of life do I want to create? In envisioning that and then making small shifts, um, in my book The Gift Insight, I share little practices. I'm all about creating habits in physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual states of being that allow us to thrive, that allow us to return back to ourselves. And one of the practices, again, is being present as we spoke about, which is so important. And then I called some other practices habits. If you were putting in a basket or like, oh, I'll do it when I retire or I'll do it later, I don't have time. Well, there is no better time than the present to pursue your habits, to pursue things you always wanted to do because you were putting yourself in a box. You were putting yourself in a forsaken corner because you had to fulfill other people's obligations. But what about yourself? What about what did you come here to create? You are not just a mom. You are not just a wife. You're not just a career person. You're so much more. There is so much more life of who you are and who you are. You can only we don't have that. I call it tomorrow is not guaranteed. Every day is is a gift and it is called the present. And when we are not in the present, we miss that. So on a day to day basis, I invite people to practice small habits like gratitude. Gratitude is important because it shifts our focus from what is broken to what is on what is still working. It could shift our attention and it could be a way out of a dark tunnel. This could be the little breadcrumbs of the fact that you woke up this morning, the fact that you can speak, the fact that we we have a podcast now, and you're on the other side of the world, and here we are communicating with one another. How amazing is that? Thanks to the technology that was there. Uh, and then practices like forgiveness, I think is important as well, because it's not about. Yes, it is forgiving who you were in the past, forgiving the situation you were in and the things that took place. But also forgiveness can be practiced in general. Let's say you had an argument with somebody. Don't let the garbage of today, because in the grand scheme of things, does this argument matter? Let it stay in the past and start each day fresh. Start each day as new. Um, and then there are many, many other ones, uh, many other habits that we can practice. Little things, I believe. How we start our day, how we start our morning, can direct the whole attention towards our day. So setting aside time for yourself, doing micro practices before you start being somebody else for other people, be somebody for you. Fulfill your cup first because you cannot give to other people what you don't have yourself. You can only overflow from a full cup. So put in the morning, do things you know. We all know how to make a perfect cup of tea or a perfect cup of coffee, if it is what we like to drink. We should also know how to make a perfect day. What are the key ingredients that make you feel alive? That make you come alive? You know, because when when you have that energy, when you put these things into yourself, you are so much more better for yourself and for others.

00:15:50 Speaker 1: Definitely, definitely. I mean, what you just mentioned, you know, those small, ordinary moments, they carry so much information because they quietly point us back to ourselves. So, like you just said, it's all about being forgiving to yourself and to others and being grateful for everything that we have. And I think what you said that, you know, most resonated with me is, uh, how, you know, um, because of all the expectations that we live in, expectations of others, I think that's why we cannot, you know, achieve true awakening. And when we truly start living for ourselves and not because of others expectations. I think that's when, um, true awakening starts for all of us. But yeah, it is different for for every person. Definitely. so yeah. Thank you so much for sharing that, Irina. It really resonated with me, and I'm sure it resonated with a lot of our listeners as well. So, uh, for someone listening right now who feels unanchored or what's what's a gentle way they can begin reconnecting with themselves without forcing clarity.

00:17:04 Speaker 3: Start practicing gratitude. That's the simple thing. You don't need to go see a doctor. You can start right here in your home. And another great habit is meditation. I call it the inner shower of the mind. You know how in the morning we want to wake up and feel good, or smell good and feel refreshed? But what about a mind who is doing some brainwashing of our mind so that we feel centered, we feel present. We feel, you know, in the right place and meditation. Like for people who don't know what it is or who feel, how am I going to sit quietly for two minutes. Meditation could be so many. There are so many different apps. There are so many different tools. It could be a walking meditation, but it's staying with yourself. Could be as little as five minutes or two minutes when you're starting. And as you progress, you can increase it. And it's such an important practice to have to allow yourself to, you know, to be there without being distracted by social media or other people. But again, setting aside time for yourself to practice those things.

00:18:21 Speaker 1: That is that is such an amazing, advice, uh, you know, being grateful for the for the smallest of things, they, they really help. And what I tell our listeners most of the time is, you know, waking up and being thankful that, uh, you know, um, you're able to wake up and you're able to sleep in a bed and everything around you. I think starting with that, uh, thankfulness, it really helps to enlighten their day. Uh. Uh, you know, as well. So, yeah, that's that's really important. And what you just shared meditation. I think that also helps a lot of people. I have so many guests in our show who advise the same thing. So, yeah. And you know that permission to slow down and listen, it feels like an act of self love and itself. So definitely. But, uh, Irina, as we all know, that awakening isn't linear. So when doubt or old patterns return, how can someone stay connected to their growth without slipping back into self criticism?

00:19:29 Speaker 3: Yeah, one one practice we could do is you could write all the good things, not when when you are feeling self doubt. But let's say you are feeling good about yourself. Sit down. Spend five minutes. Jot down on a piece of paper all of your accomplishments, all the things that you've done right and have that ready. So when the moment of self-doubt comes, you have this list that you can read from to help you, to remind you how much you have come already so far and how much you have achieved. Because when self-doubt kicks in, it's difficult to change those thoughts with positive thoughts. Something has to be spoken over the thoughts for them to change. So when you read that list to yourself, you are listening to yourself speak and it's just so much better. Another idea for that self doubt and self doubt kicks in. Have a powerful, um, playlist of music of songs that make you feel alive. Have it ready. Put that list on. Maybe there is a video or a book that inspires you. Read that book. Do anything that allows you to shift your state, and the best way to shift your state is to move. Movement is the best remedy. Like go for a walk. Look at the sun, look at the sky, look at the green grass and see how it shifts and be present there. Feel with all your senses. So those are some of the things. Another practice I do with people I can release negative emotions, limiting decisions, uh, with a practice called the timeline therapy. This is that I learned in neurolinguistic programming, and that one allows the release of those negative emotions and self-doubts. So that's another tool that we can use.

00:21:26 Speaker 1: That's that's really helpful. Uh, you know, and that reminder that, uh, that setbacks are part of integration, not evidence of failure that really lands. And, you know, I've always said this to people that nowadays people ponder so much on the negative stuff that they completely ignore the good things in their life, their achievements, accomplishments, or all the positive parts of their life. So what you just said, you know, um, writing down everything that makes you feel good. I think that will really help people, you know, uh, slipping, uh, from not slipping back into self criticism and to appreciate the, the smallest of things. So, yeah. So for for the listener who feels alone in this transition, what would you want them to remember about themselves right now?

00:22:23 Speaker 3: You are never alone. There are a lot of resources. If you like some inspiration or motivation, you can go to my YouTube channel Happiness Academy underscore where I share tools to. So for for someone to reclaim their life in. Physical, emotional, mental and spiritual space. And if you are feeling alone. Know that you are not. There are so many people going through similar situations. Oftentimes we feel like we are alone. Like I felt like I was alone when I became a single mom because everyone around me was married and happy. And there I was, this outlier. So you seek out community, seek out people who are going through the same thing. Or if you want to change, seek out places where they can see more of who you are, that who you see yourself to be in the present moment. So in my scenario, from my personal experience, my environment did not really support because I felt like I was alone. So I went and I started pursuing different hobbies. So I joined Toastmasters, which allowed me to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. And everybody there was starting at ground zero at the beginning basis and learning with one another. Another thing I did, I joined. I got myself a voice coach and learned how to sing, and through that experience, I got in people who were into singing and I was able to share that experience with them. And it was also a benefit for me because I was able to use not just my analytical side, but also my creative side, and that was such an amazing tool, better than any therapist could ever do. Any psychologist. Because in my case, that didn't work for me, but singing did. I joined, I started going painting. They have a nice, uh, they used to have this program called Paint and SIP. It is in different restaurants or lounges and people go and they just paint and they eat or they drink whatever they like. But it's such an amazing experience. And another community I joined was Mindvalley. Mindvalley is about personal development and learning, and that fulfilled a little bit for myself as well. So I was able to not feel like I am alone because I joined all those different places who showed me little pieces of myself whom I didn't know I had. So you are never alone. There are always places where you can go or communities that you can join, whether locally or online. Does that answer your question?

00:25:12 Speaker 1: Yeah it does, and that's so amazing. I'm really happy that you found people and places, uh, to not, you know, feel alone and a place to belong to. And I just want to say to people, uh, to our listeners who think that they are alone, they feel alone. I think at the end of the day, you'll always have yourself, so you're never really alone. And I think that's what matters the most. So yeah, feeling lost is often the soul's way of clearing space for a truer version of you to emerge. So, Irina, for those who feel connected to your message and want to explore your work further, where can they find you?

00:25:52 Speaker 3: They can go to my website. Irina comm. It's Irina s h o sov. My books are available on Amazon. Um. I have two podcasts that I host single parent success Stories and Reclaim Your Life with Irina. Those could be heard on all of the podcasting platforms. And my YouTube channel, Happiness Academy. Underscore is about reclaiming life in physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual states.

00:26:24 Speaker 1: Great, great. So I'll have all the details on my show listing, and the listeners can feel free to reach out to you whenever and however they want. So thank you, Irina, for this amazing conversation. And, uh, to our listeners, if this conversation resonated, take a moment today to notice where your life is. Asking you to listen rather than fix. Awakening doesn't demand answers. It asks for presence. Thank you for being here with us on awaken. Until next time. Trust what's unfolding within you.